Well good God damn...

... and other such phrases,
I haven’t heard a beat as good as this in ages!

The immortal words of Scroobius Pip, which brings me neatly to my topic of the day: Things That Will Improve Your Life.

Several things have improved my life significantly in the last week or so, and it would be churlish of me not to share them with you. The first would be the aforementioned Scroobius Pip. I urge you to seek out and buy the album ‘Angles’ by Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip. Now, this isn’t my kind of music at all. I believe, he said in a crusty old man voice, that it might possibly be ‘rap’ or ‘hip hop’. It’s certainly one of those new-fangled youth sounds that a man like me is far too old to ‘be down with’. However, it’s f**king brilliant (sorry Xhalax). Quite apart from the fact that it’s exciting and exhilarating and sounds really good played loud, it’s packed full of the cleverest and funniest lyrics since Tom Lehrer was writing songs. Buy it, simply for the outstanding track ‘Thou Shalt Always Kill’, which is a small masterpiece. If you can’t be arsed to buy the album, at least look the video up on Youtube. By ‘kill’, Scroobius is referring to the intended aim of all open-mic rappers... to ‘kill’ with his lyrics. Anyway, it’s what Big would call ‘the tits’ and I defy any of you not to be both profoundly stirred and amused by it.

In terms of music more suited to my age and demographic, may I recommend the debut album of the London Bulgarian Choir. It’s called ‘Alyana Galyana’ and you can only buy it on their website. I’ve been aware of Bulgarian choral music for a while, but when I heard this on Radio 4 earlier in the week, I was blown away. It’s quite astonishing and really rather 40K. The sound the choir produces is the sort of thing you might hear on the ‘Gladiator’ soundtrack. Go and get one for yourself: you will be pleased you did.

It’s no secret that H P Lovecraft is one of my favourite authors. I can’t help myself. I own several different editions of his works: the old and dog-eared Panther paperbacks from the 70s, which first introduced him to me, and several hardback Arkham editions. For reading pleasure, I tend to use the satisfyingly fat Penguin classics (there are three volumes, buy them all! You’re doing yourself a favour!) but thanks to a review in the ‘Fortean Times’ (which is a publication you should all subscribe to, because it is simply wonderful) I was made aware of a hard cover commemorative edition of Lovecraft’s works published by Golancz. It’s only £20 and it’s gorgeous, packed full of illustrations. I already own several versions of all the stories, but this was a must-have. It’s called, no surprises here, ‘Necronomicon’. If you own any H P Lovecraft, then this is the deluxe version that you must own. If you don’t own any H P Lovecraft, what the feth’s the matter with you? Any book that contains ‘The Call of Cthulhu’, ‘The Colour Out of Space’, ‘The Shadow Over Innsmouth’ and ‘The Dunwich Horror’ has got to be a keeper.

Also, says Nik, buy cardamom flavoured chocolate made by Rococo. It is also ‘the tits’.

If you seek out the above things, your life will be commensurately better. See what I do? I try to bring a little gleam of betterness into your existences.

And so on to any other business:

Hello Jack.

Rory - Yes we have found a new room. It turned up at the back of our house. Sadly, it had nothing to do with the odd keys and rather more to do with the nice builder we got in to erect a conservatory. Having said that, I walked out into it the other night and heard what I presume was cats fighting in the garden. They made the most alarming, human sounds. For a moment, I thought of opening the back door and looking out, expecting to find my youngest daughter crouched outside, making silly noises. But she was upstairs and the curious verbalisations were coming from cats. Or foxes. Or both. Or the hussar, you never can tell. Will try the keys soon. Am expecting to find access to Narnia, Middle Earth, Hogwarts and Erehwon any day now.

Boom - Will the world that the Ghosts finally win be a Death World? Interesting and slightly cruel suggestion. I think the next Ghost book, ‘Blood Pact’, will answer all sorts of questions like that, in surprising ways.

Xhalax - Eurovision. Song. Contest. Three of the most leaden words in the English language.

Leemxt - You asked if any of us find any pieces of my books emotionally moving. I’m interested in all of the responses you post, but I feel I ought to tell you about ‘Riders of the Dead’. The scene where the rocks and stones in the desert start whistling and speaking to our hero is the only time I’ve written something that has seriously spooked me out. And the ending of the same novel, probably because I knew what the last few words would be, weeks in advance, reduced me to spontaneous tears when I finally wrote them. Nik has just reminded me of the scene in ‘Ravenor’ where Frauka is guarding Zael. That’s got to be up there too, along with Varl’s report of the death of Gaunt in ‘Only in Death’, and the final act of ‘Double Eagle’. I won’t even begin to tempt you with the emotional heart tugging that occurs in the final moments of ‘Titanicus’.

Leemxt (2) - Sithee. Ezrah’s speech pattern is undoubtedly buried in British vernacular. I make no apologies for the fact that he speaks the way he does, because I studied Anglo-Saxon at Oxford. It’s pretty bastardised, but the essence is there.

Courtney - Please e-mail your address to my website and I will be happy to send you a signed copy for your boyfriend. You might also tell me your boyfriend’s name, so that I can dedicate it appropriately.

Sredni - Clone 43 counts my words. He took over from Clone 27, when Clone 27 killed itself out of boredom.


Jeff - I’m Alpharius. I’m delighted your wife likes my books. I wish I was coming to Chicago too, but I will be in Baltimore.

Hiwayrobry - Having done a number of readings to captive audiences, I have been told that I don’t do a bad job of it. I may mention this to the Black Library. I’d love to read some of my stories for audio.

Dukeleto - Moffat rules. We’re in safe hands with him.

Hurrah for the Hussar - ‘Titanicus’ is a great big sprawling epic that has many protagonists. I feel sure, however, that you will warm to Cally Samstag, Erik Varco, Major Gotch, Executor Crusius and Adept Feist.

Hiwayrobry (2) - ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ is an ongoing series.

Al and Xhalax - I have it on good authority from someone who knows Rory Bremner that accents are easy to cue-in if you can remember certain key words. As I understand it, Geordie is easy to do if you can say ‘Kawasaki’ and ‘conjunctivitis’. I stand to be corrected.

Veyron, schmeyron... Jaguar, schmaguar... I drive a 300C (f**k it, I’ve earned it). It’s lovely, and a real beast. My daughter’s friend, Sarna, was being driven to school by her dad when I drove past them. “That’s Lily’s dad’s car!” Sarna exclaimed. After a short pause, her dad replied, “What is he, a gangster?”

And yes, I probably am. Or a gunshark, at least. My 300C, black as the ace of spades, is called ‘Ramona’. Is it so odd to name your cars? My last car was called ‘Grace’ and the one before that was called ‘Serena’. The one before that was called ‘Kylie’, because she had a nice bottom and also ‘Jacky’ because of her number plate. When I was a kid, I had a bicycle called ‘Hawkeye’. The first car I ever owned had previously belonged to my maternal grandfather. It was a racing green Ford Escort, and it’s registration number began with ‘KLM’ because of which, my grandad had named it ‘the Flying Dutchman’ (KLM being the Royal Dutch Airlines). Go figure.

Big - SinDex returns to 2000AD shortly, and it will delight you, I’m sure.

And finally...

‘Lamentaly’ Xhalax - that’s a great new word, and I intend to use it. A lot.

Now go to bed. Aren’t you all tired?

SKWEEAK!

New post! Zing!

I must apologise for the delay in posting. Titanicus is finished and I have been lying in a heap. A good heap, but a heap none-the-less. I had a lovely time at my library talk a couple of week backs, and I’d like to thank all concerned for their gracious and accommodating hospitality. The sugar was very welcome. Tomorrow is Black Library Day, officially. I hope you’ll all go out there and be Black Library-ish.

So, the squeaky gate. We’re having a sun room built at the back of the house, and the floor plan extends over to the wall where the squeaky gate sits. As a result, the squeaky gate had to go. Nik and her brother pulled it out of its settings and carried it up to the back of the garden, for later use. Funny thing is, it’s still squeaking, even though it is not there any more. How do you like them apples?

Andy Lanning came to visit me today and brought with him the lovely Eddie Berganza of DC fame. As we told Eddie the story of the squeaking gate his grin became more and more fixed. We went to lunch in town and as we wandered back, I pointed out the White Rabbit and the other places around my house that had once been military residences. “Your local pub is called ‘the Dragoon’,” he said. “Exactly,” I replied. “There are hussars everywhere.”

His fixed grin became even more fixed. Sorry, Eddie, didn’t mean to scare you.

Oh yeah... Titanicus is done. I think I mentioned that. One hundred and forty thousand words worth of stomping titanic chaos. I’m pretty pleased with it, but it drained the hell out of me. I hope you all like it.

And now to business...

Al - I’ve had an ‘awesome handlebar moustache’ for a very long time. The folks at BL used to refer to is as my ‘big gay moustache’. I’m comfortable with my sexuality and therefore laughed at their derision, derisively.

Ryknow041 - Welcome (ltbfth)... long time blogger first time hello. I think you’re probably right. If the hussar isn’t speaking quasi-old-english, I’d be surprised. Thanks for the Guardians of the Galaxy comment. Yes, there will be some inquisitor-related shorts soon. Eisenhorn in short pants is a vision sequestered by the Holy Ordos, as I’m sure you realise.

Sredni - Already on it.

Ashley T - Thanks. I’ll come to Bath when Bath invites me.

Leemxt - You’ll see more first person perspective on the Pact in the next book, which is, funnily enough, called Blood Pact.

Jack - Groot and Cosmo in the same book? It had to happen. Read Guardians of the Galaxy to see how cool that meeting can be.

Rob - Using the key marked ‘R. Carter’ would, of course, be a very bad idea. I’ve put that one in the bottom drawer of the bureau.

Jack - Hello. Thank you very much for the comments on the Torchwood audiobook.

Kid Dork - Thank you very much.

Bigwill - They’re called ‘auto-reactive shoulder-guards’, because that’s what Games Workshop calls them. They’re ‘auto’ and ‘reactive’, because they’re ‘auto-reactive’ shoulder-guards. Hey, I don’t make this stuff up (much).

Turain - I’ll do my best. All I can do for now, is hope.

The-seventh-son - Prophaniti would be a great name for a child, if you wanted a child that sicked up on you every five minutes and rotated its head, laughing gleefully. I’m not sure Dju wants that. Can you imagine what you’d find in a chaos nappy?

Big - Yay! Big’s back! All kinds of win! Get set to check out your ‘Big Steve’ name-check at the start of Titanicus. Thanks for the books, Big. SinDex? There’s bundles more SinDex out there, and it’s running in 2000AD right now.

Hurrah for the hussar - I’m a huge fan of the Warhammer world, I just don’t get to write it that much. Still, have you checked out Riders of the Dead, Fell Cargo, the Hammers of Ulric and Gilead? Demand them! They will be reprinted!

XHALAAAXX! - Where were you girl? Mexico? We missed you! And now the gang’s all here! Explain your strop. It’s better out than in. Do it, Blondie.

John Phillip Law just died, aged 70. Three score years and ten. Everyone go and rent ‘Barbarella’ immediately. And enjoy.

This Week's Recipe

Yes, today's recipe is Apport avec les clefs. For this you will need an old kitchen, a cup of 'whooa', two teaspoons full of 'crikey-o'reilly', a Thursday afternoon and a squeeze of lemon (optional). Mix the ingredients in the old kitchen and set aside. We'll come back to it later and see how it's doing.

So, Paris. Stayed near the Tuileries (one should always stay near the Tuileries, as a basic rule of life, 'what happened to him?' 'He didn't stay near the Tuileries, did he?'), visited the Pompidou Centre, oohed and aahed, shopped in les Halles, found the best toy soldier shop in the universe, and the most fantastic antiques store that sold, amongst other things, antique, double-barrelled, under-and-over, Belgian, holster revolvers (expect to find one of those in a book soon), and generally had a fabulous time. Thanks Mathieu and Dju, and congratulations are due to Dju this week for all sorts of things, including his birthday, his wedding and the imminent arrival of his first son. Dju, just in case you don't know, translates the Ghost books into French, and a wonderful job he does too. He's also a regular poster to this blog. Everyone say, 'Go Dju!'

We were having dinner with Mathieu and Dju on the Friday night, waiting for the mighty Graham McNeill to join us (his plane had been delayed by some kind of cosmic warp event), and I happened to say to Mat, 'What I really like about French Games Day, having been here the last two years, is the gentile and relaxed nature of the meet and greet.'

Sunday morning, twenty past nine, the queue began. Graham and I stood our ground and, like Alpharius and Omegon, we confronted the queue. Six and a half bloody hours of signing! Six and a half! Now, it's not that I'm complaining, oh no, it's fantastic to get a response like that, but SIX AND A HALF BLOODY HOURS! I'm thinking of having a sharpie surgically attached in the manner of some Mechanicus scribe, so that I can sign at will. I would certainly like to thank, and I'm sure Graham would join me in this, the rapturous response we both received from the French fans, not to mention the stirling work put in by the guys selling the books. We signed everything that was thrust at us, we posed for a lot of photos (there are an awful lot of 'looks of destiny' out there), and the convention exclusive French edition of our Horus short story double-header was a gorgeous, full-colour booklet (good job, Mat!).

In France, as Joanie Mitchell once remarked, 'they kiss on main street'. There was a lot of that about. Middle-aged couples happily swapping tongues in the Place Vendome. We wondered if this was particularly French (no pun intended) or if an awful lot of happy couples had come to Paris for the weekend. What the hell, if you can't beat them... you know the rest.

We were met at the Gard du Nord by a suited chauffeur, who held up my name printed on a card, and led us to an immaculate and massive Peugeot limousine. I like France.

By the way, Dju, when I mentioned the Breeders, I was thinking of their new album 'Mountain Battles', which is jolly good.

The best hot chocolate in the world is served at the cafe beside the Hotel Mayfair on the Rue Rouget de Lisle (named after the man who wrote the Marseillais, you'd have thought they'd have given him a longer street). In the organic cafe where we had brunch on Satuday morning, our French friends gleefully spread what amounted to liquid Milky Bars on their croissants. We brought a jar of the substance home for Lily (thanks Dju) and thus far she has regarded it suspiciously from a distance. The past, as the adage goes, is a foreign country, and so, it turns out, is France.

For all of you out there in TV land, you may be interested to know that in the coming months, I will be penning a 'Primeval' novel (it's called 'Extinction Event'), and a Doctor Who book which will recount the exploits of Martha Jones during the year when the Master held the Doctor captive and she roamed the Earth (ie, the end of season three). The latter will not be all my own work, as I am writing the framing sequence and story into which other stories, by other hands will be set. I'm looking forward to it. I have a soft spot for Martha.

And after that... it's Gaunt time again! The twelfth Gaunt novel will be called 'Blood Pact', and you won't believe the tortuous shit I'm going to put our heroes through. In other news, I do recommend that you pick up the critically praised 'Nova' that Andy and I are writing for Marvel, and look out for the first issue of our new series, 'Guardians of the Galaxy', which launches next month and features a team that includes Star-Lord, Adam Warlock, Drax, Gomorah, Quasar and Rocket Racoon. Oh, and also Groot ('I am Groot!'). How can you resist that? I've just read the first issue and it's all kinds of awesome.

Let's review the blog...

... Yes, I'm going to Games Day Germany.

Re frontages. I like frontages, me.

Rory - I hope you find your shoe.

Sredni - Dukeleto was quite correct when he suggested that I had read up about submarines in order to research 'Titanicus'. U-Boats, specifically.

Glad everybody liked 'Legion'. Glad everybody hates Cuu.

Mouz - Welcome to the blog. If I come to Brighton, I do like Bourbons, and the clones can stay outside in the car. If you ask me very nicely, and e-mail your address to this site, I might happen to find the soundtrack CD.

Andrew - Throw in General Sturm and knock yourself out. I love you too.

Mouz (2) - Just in case you hadn't realised, Nik is Mrs Dan.

Rob - Yes, it is rather nice to get paid for blowing up planets. Could you explain what a golf clap is, because I'm sure I would have enjoyed it.

Tom - Yes, I call that a salute. What was it that you were doing? (Apart from posting your comment three thousand times ;-))

So back to the recipe. It should be ready to serve, now. You may find that a pinch of hussar helps to make it piquant. You've all heard about the squeaky gate, the suspiciously rosemary scented scissors, the shadow at the end of the corridor and the footsteps around the bed. Well, try this one. The other day, Thursday, I was upstairs and Nik was downstairs and –

What is it, clone number 1?

Well, sir, I was concerned that your preoccupation with ghost stories might alarm or distress your younger readers. Also, I thought that your affirmed belief in the supernatural might put off your more rational bloggees.

Both points well made, clone number 1. But I don't think my stories will alarm too many people, and I don't believe in the supernatural per se. I'm just remarking upon the curious shit that happens in my house.

OK then, sir.

Off you go then, clone number 1. I want that book finished by Sunday.

So, there was a tremendous clatter from the kitchen. I came down from upstairs and Nik emerged from the basement where she had been working. In the middle of the kitchen floor lay over half a dozen keys, scattered in an almost deliberate arc. They hadn't fallen out of anything. We don't keep keys in a pot that could fall, and there was not pot, besides. They had just appeared there, on the floor. They were big, fat, back door keys of the old variety that we didn't know we had. In technical terms, this is called an apport, which means the sudden materialisation of objects. We were both properly taken aback. Before you ask, none of the keys smelled of rosemary. At some point, we intend to see if the keys fit any of the doors in the house. However, there are more keys than doors. And I have resisted the temptation, thus far, because I have a nagging suspicion that when I go round the house, door to door, trying the keys, I will eventually open a door that should give into the bathroom or our bedroom, and find a room that I haven't previously discovered. Inside, the hussar will look up from his rosemary clipping and say, 'I've been waiting for you.'

And serve.

Thank Blog It's Friday

Ah, the weekend beckons. I love the smell of Saturday in the morning. It smells of... eggs benedict. And Doctor Who. A couple of Saurdays ago, I opened the review section of the Guardian, and was delighted to find, not only a favourable review of 'The Second Solaris Book of Science Fiction', but, one that picked my story out as one of the highlights. As Xhalax would say, 'Yay! Go me!' *dances*. I won't repeat the review verbatim here, unless somebody actually wants me to.

So, I'll tell you where I won't be next week. I won't be at the New York Comicon. However, my partner in crime, Andy Lanning, will be, along with my other partner in crime, Ian Edginton. If you're at the con, do go up and shake either gentleman warmly by the hand, and say, 'It's so great to meet you, I wish Dan was here.'

Bu-dum-bum! Tish!

Seriously folks, they're lovely gents, and I mean that most sincerely.

Ooh! I came over all Hughie Green then.

I'll tell you where I will be. Paris, that's where! Games Day Paris, my favourite event of the convention circuit. I'll be there to sign books, shake hands, misspell names, sit next to Graham McNeill, pretend I'm not mono-lingual, and ravage Fnak for books for Jess.

Speaking of Jess, she's the latest member of the household to be troubled by the hussar (ie, our resident phantom). This afternoon, she spent a good while looking for the kitchen scissors, including searching the utensil pot several times. When she turned her back, she heard a noise from the utensil pot, turned around, and discovered the scissors, literally poking out at her. Then, of course, there's the case of the missing jigger. God knows where that went, but I'm sure it's tucked in the hussar's back pocket, and will no doubt turn up, now that I've replaced it. Jess, of course, has developed a scissors phobia, which is also related to cutting rosemary, which is why she needed the scissors in the first place, and I fear I have years of therapy to pay for.

So, what's been happening up your end, Dan? Well, thank you for asking, clone 68. As I said to clone 19, not half an hour ago, it's been a pretty full week, what with writing 'Titanicus' and 'Guardians of the Galaxy', fending off rosemary scented hussars and shopping at Bluewater with Lily. My younger daughter can never make her mind up about anything, I think. I don't know, can she?

In my not so copious free time, I've been reading Lee Child (what a refreshingly straightforward and fantastic author he is). I've been watching NCIS (really good, old-fashioned entertainment. How cool is Pauley Perrette?) And, I've been listening to 'The Breeders' (I believe it's a grower, and so does Nik, and so do clones 16 thru 28).

In answer to the posts on the last blog, I would like to reassure Matthew (how are you Matthew?) that I have, indeed, checked the clone enclosure and there are signs that one of them might have skipped out and taken my IP with him. The little funt!

Xhalax - I'd love an extra day in the week too, but could it be a Saturday, please. I'd call it Clonesday, and I'd use it for gentle relaxation and cell division. By the way, Nik would love a black sheep, but don't put yourself out on our account. Hope your knees are fine.

Al - Welcome aboard, and thanks for the very nice comments.

Rory - I share your pain.

Madclaw - If I'd known it would take you that long to get a copy, I'd have sent you one myself. I hope Jack is doing well.

Toymachine - So here I am on my harpsichord fighting with Titanicus. Tinkle... tinkle... tinkle... thunk! Whap! Crunch! I hope you're enjoying the mental images.

Oscarp - They have suggested that I might write a Time of Legends book. I'm CONSIDERING it (smoothes down velvet smoking jacket and lights another cigarillo).

Xhalax - Let's just say, 'Big front', and leave it there. What's not to admire about a big front?

Anonymous - It's not a new cyberman. It's been there all the time. It just snuck up on you, like cybermen do.

Logarithm - The third Gaunt Omnibus is due out shortly.

Rob - I take your point, but as far as I'm concerned, I sound like me. Am I strange?

Nemesis749 - Well, that was the point.

Col.gravis - I could come to Devon. October/November time because that's when my niece is having her baby (in Plymouth). Just get someone in your local shop to put a call through to BL to ask me.

Logarithm - The Fold of the Gaur is probably what this blog should have been called in the first place. It may also become the name of a future Ghost book. Good job, fella.

Well, that's me for the now. The garden gate just squeaked again, and what are those? Are they scissors? Oddly, they smell of rosemary.

I'd better go. The hussar is about.

Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

And please remember to turn off your set.

The Weekend Starts Here

Hi all!

Dan had a lovely jaunt to London today. He met with the BBC for an interview. It must be nice to be popular.

Matthew Wright interviewed Dan for his Friday night show, which, I think is called 'Weekender' and goes out on Radio 2 at 10pm (BST). I believe it will also be available as a podcast.

Torchwood fans and (wouldbe) writers might want to listen in, because the subject for the interview was writing a Torchwood story for CD format. Dan and Matthew also had a nice chat, so you might just want to listen in for that.

Right now, Dan is sitting at his keyboard battling with Titanicus, which is good news for all of us.

He will, of course, be back soon, so keep an eye out over the weekend for his next blog.

Nik

A Squeaky Gate

It turns out that our ghost has migrated. It must be the spring, or something. Tired of standing in the upper hallway as a dim and distant silhouette, he has gone out into the garden. It happened like this. I was in the kitchen on a Sunday afternoon, loading the dishwasher (oh, how middle class!) and I kept hearing the squeak of the gate outside and footsteps. So that you can understand, our back door from the kitchen opens into a concrete courtyard (Nik calls it the lanai or patio [pronounced 'pay-show'. Oh, how middle class!]), which has its own gate onto the garden, up a flight of five stone steps. The gate is heavy, iron and old, and very rusted in its hinges, so that every time someone opens it, you can hear it in the rest of the house. It cannot swing on its own and it would take a typhoon to move it. That Sunday afternoon was very still.

So, as I said, I was loading the dishwasher and I heard the gate squeak several times and lots of footsteps. At first, I thought it must be Jessica out in the garden for some reason (probably collecting herbs. Oh, how middle class). Then I thought it might be Nik, or Lily. But Jess was staying at a friend's house, Lily was up on the fourth floor revising and Nik was in our bedroom editing Titanicus. So I supposed it might be the boys next door, hopping over the stile that divides our properties (oh, how middle class) to retrieve their lovely little dog. BTW the dog is small enough to go through the gate without swinging it open.

So, I looked up, out of the kitchen window. There was nobody there. The garden was empty. As I watched, the gate deliberately swung open, stayed open, and closed again. As before, I heard footsteps outside.

The hussar has gone outside to enjoy the spring. It bodes well...

I told Lily about it as we were cooking dinner together and she immediately went outside and hooked the gate up to stop it 'blowing around in the wind' (which it hadn't). Half an hour later it was opening and closing again, all by itself.

So whatever... Blackpool!

Go Back to Back! Yay!

Lily was competing in the 8 couple formation dance competition at the Tower Ballroom, Blackpool. Inevitably, since this was her first outing to Blackpool, Nik and I escorted her and stayed in a hotel nearby while she strutted her stuff. Blackpool is a very strange place. It's like England's answer to Las Vegas, but if it's England's answer to Las Vegas, Las Vegas is a bloody silly question. Lily's team reached the semi-final, the first time her dance school has done that in years, so we were all very proud, and shouted a lot.

Because we were up there, we arranged to put in an appearance at the nearest GW store (Preston) and a very fine reception we had. Many thanks to James, Alex, Chris, Paul, Gareth, Ben and... and... I'm really bad with names, but we had a lovely time and I hope Preston GW enjoyed it as much as we did. James, we'll be back same time next year, if you want us. I have a feeling Lily will be dancing then, too. Oh, and Sarah, I'm really sorry for making you wait while I blathered on. I didn't realise you were waiting for your books to be signed. Thanks for coming.

GW Blackpool - Pete, I'm really sorry we didn't get to see you too, we did try... promise.

And now to other business...

Rory - I have been invited to Scotland, I'll tell you when.

Allandaros - I wish I had a blog clone too. Nik is getting very tired.









WE ARE ALL ALPHARIUS!

Bigwill - Ravenor isn't half-eldar, but the fluff is (that I imagined) he was involved with the eldar for quite a long time in his early years, hence his use of wraithbone. I think it's mentioned in the books.

And no, you're not Omegon. I'm Omegon. Everyone else is Alpharius. Except the ones who are Omegon. On reflection, that might be you, so forget what I said previously.

Ross - Thank you for the kind comments on the Solaris story. Last weekend, it was reviewed, favourably, in the Guardian, and my tale was picked out as one of the highlights. Go me! Reviewed favourably in the Guardian!

Big - You are still the master of the Blood Pact. Apocalypse Blood Pact... you just wait for the next Gaunt.

Rob - I don't know where I'm signing this summer, apart from Games Day, obviously.

Per - Eisenhorn did it inwardly, of course. It was a character thing, not a muscular reaction.

Cor - Thanks a lot for the nice words.

Anonymous - I'm glad you appreciated the twist.

Okay everybody, sleeping in is so win, so I'm going to try for it.

Xhalax - I think you might be Kara Swole after all.

Oops... the gate's squeaking again. I must go and attend to my hussar. See you all next time on the funny place.

Lancashire in the spring.

Dan will be signing at the GW shop in Preston on Saturday, 29th March at 11.00am. He doesn't often venture quite so far north, so take advantage.

He'd blog himself, but he's getting ready to travel to Preston, while simultaneously writing more Titanicus, and his blog clone is indisposed.

Best to all,

Nik

The Saturday Blog

It was a dark and stormy night. Well it WAS. You should see it out there.

Graham and I would like to thank everybody who turned up at Forbidden Planet last Saturday (or Forbidden Plant as Nik just typed). We had a good time, I hope you did too. It’s Good Friday today, and Nik and I spent a few hours wondering up and down Rochester High Street. We discovered the Rochester Armoury, and I bought a pilum. That’s not a sentence you often get to say. For anybody who doesn’t already know, I collect weapons as part of my research for the novels. It’s useful to know how a weapon feels in the hand, what the weight and balance are like etc. A pilum is a Roman javelin. It’s a wonderful piece of military technology (don’t take my word for it, go and look it up on Wikipedia), but not something I’d ever thought to buy. I’d like to thank Dave at the Rochester Armoury for drawing my attention to it, and being an all round good bloke (I urge you to visit the Armoury and engage Dave in such subjects as hunting boar... with a bow... in France).

Oh, and the Armoury has a website too. Google Rochester Armoury.

Anyway, it was only after I made my purchase and was lugging a first century piece of military hardware back to my car, that I realised that a Roman spear was possibly the least appropriate thing to buy on a Good Friday. I console myself with the thought that the centurion did it out of pity. I was chatting to Andy Lanning later on, and told him of my purchase. Andy said, as a sign off, “Well good luck with the rest of your blasphemy.”

I bought a buckler too, so I could swash it. How sad am I?

Anyway, to business:

I love zoids. Grant Morrison’s first comic book work was on zoids (little known fact), and I’m sure I gave Nik the ones she had on her desk at college.

I refuse to get drawn into the whole primarch kneeling thing. Several posters have already articulated interesting points of view (thanks, Sredni). 30K, just like 40K, is all about interpretation, and we’re all working from a mass of disjointed, revised, contradictory and all together mythic material that has been established in the last quarter century. Everyone’s entitled to their own take on ‘how it should be’. No one is wrong. Go with the version that feels right to you and own that one. That’s the point of a hobby. However, I feel I must point out that Alan Merrett is no newbie and he’s been around since the Age of Strife.

Pack-master - Hark’s ‘superior bulk’ certainly counts as ablative armour.

Jack - I remember Gilgamesh, so we’re best pals forever.

nhz - Titanicus is going fine, thank you. As you might expect, it is big and ponderous, and difficult to control.

James - Yes, I also want to know what happens next.

James Ferguson - We still have something for you, and haven’t received your address yet. Please advise.

Childofnurgle - Yes you are Varl. Look after yourself and feel better soon.

Rob - Yes, you’re Varl, too. Varl-ness is not exclusive to a single poster.

Brother Chaudeux - Welcome to the fun and games of the Dan Abnett blog. Excellent posts, so far. I hope to hear more from you.

Ross - No...










I’m Alpharius.

Jack - Gotta love that Wikipedia.

The-seventh-son - Konrad Curze sounds like a good idea.

Ross - Simon Spurrier is a great writer and I recommend you seek out all of his material.

One day gingers will rule the Earth - Thank you for the compliment. Much appreciated.

Rory - I did paintball once. I shot Andy Lanning in the face. Huzzah!

Lofty - 1) No, when I introduce a character into the Gaunt series, I do not, necessarily, have in mind their ultimate fates.

I studied Anglo-Saxon at university (well, I studied English, and AS was part of the course). I studied it under Bruce Mitchell, who is pretty the world authority. He used to go and teach it to the Japanese. He is Australian, and a previous alumnus of my college, Terry Jones (of Monty Python) used him as the inspiration for the classic Monty Python “Bruce” sketch. I have a feeling therefore that Bruce Mitchell was entirely responsible (via Monty Python) for the cliche that all Australians are called Bruce. He is a fantastic bloke. He wrote the standard Anglo-Saxon primer. His study was at the top of a slender and winding staircase in the front quad. At the end of every tutorial, he’d say, (and use an Australian accent for this) “don’t fall down the stairs until you get a first”. So, to answer your question... Anglo-Saxon. A (very very) little bit. And then, made up shit.

Bog - Glad you’re enjoying Ravenor. I knew you would.

Garrett - Thanks for joining in. I’m sorry you have been affected by the deaths of several characters. So was I. That was the point.

Xhalax - Hello!

Jack - Thank you.

Rory - Ezrah is pretty cool. He has a life of his own.

Arianwen - I’m sorry I made you cry. I suffer when my characters meet their ends, too.

Elaes - Welcome aboard, and thanks for the kind words.

Big - Loving the fact that you’re now calling yourself ‘Big’ on this site.

I’d like to leave you all with the following pict that was sent to me by my brother-in-arms, James Swallow. Thanks, Jim! It is rather funny or rather portentous, depending on your pov (point of view). Enjoy.

WE had chocolate cake...

...thanks to Alex, who came to the Cambridge GW signing this afternoon. Apparently, at the last Cambridge shop signing, I had told him that if he brought chocolate cake, I would be prepared to sign his entire back catalogue of books. Alex duly brought chocolate cake and a very heavy bag. Twenty minutes and a repetitive strain injury later, I had upheld my side of the bargain. The Cambridge signing was great, and my thanks go to Andy, the store manager who organised it and mediated the entire event. It was great to see people like Big, and also new faces like Gregg, Martin, Lars and Paul (welcome to the bloggage and thanks so much for showing me your fantastic sketch books). Thanks to everyone else who attended, it was great to see you.

Over lunch, at the Fucking Stupid Large Burger Joint across the street (buffalo! Who knew buffalo could be so good?) Big told a story about a group of variously deaf and blind people who had turned up in his club the other night. Big is a doorman, and runs security and general behaviour, just so you know. He’s also big, ex-army and, you know, big. He has a way with words. The deaf/blind group came to his club for a night out and got a bit carried away with the haha juice. What happened then was something out of the ‘Keystone Cops’. I can’t begin to repeat it here, or do it justice, but if you encounter Big Steve at a Games Day or similar event, implore him to tell you the story, because it is the fething funniest thing I have ever heard. I almost choked on buffalo. I think it was the moment where Steve said, ‘Mind the step,’ to the blind guy and the blind guy fell down the step and the deaf guy, who hadn’t heard Steve, started to attack him for pushing his blind friend down the step. The entire story is much longer and much more involved and much funnier than I’m presenting here. Get it from Big himself, and when you have, ask for the other stories: the luminous shards of wood in his arse, for example, and the wolf man on the roof of his building when he was a kid. Laugh? I nearly went to Ethiopia; second class of course.

It was great fun to hang out in a shop with the living embodiment of Gol Kolea (Big Steve, or is he Corbec? Or Bragg?), MkVenner (Gregg, I hope you don’t mind me comparing you to the character, but you were so quiet and serious), and Varl (Andy, you are Varl, and if you’re not, you’re Brostin, take your pick). I write them here and they come out there, in person, to meet me, and they are always much better than the characters I have fashioned in my head.

Let us now attend to the day’s business. I’m sorry if these recent blogs have come across as a bit of a Q&A, but it seems the fastest and most efficient way of getting things done.

Lordy - I’ll be at Forbidden Planet in London next Saturday with Graham. Is that any good?

Allandaros - Very few things in the entire universe beat the coolness of the Starship Enterprise. It just IS. But I am a devoted fan of both Firefly and Babylon 5. However, in terms of doors, I wish life worked the way it did in Space 1999, when you can point a comlock at a door and make it open. I have a fabulous replica comlock sitting on a shelf above my desk. Sometimes, when a novel is going slowly, I pretend I am John Koenig (or actually, Alan Carter) and point my comlock at various doors. Non ever open, but (see previous post) I’m hardly surprised.

Jack - Me and a Jerry Cornelius, Michael Morcock story in the same book? How chuffed am I? I’m glad you enjoyed ‘Point of Contact’, and if Dreadstar is as wired into your makeup as it is mine, we’ll be friends forever.

Xhalax - You are not a minion, but you are a servant of the Legion and one of the few who gets to hear the command, “Do it.”

Big - I’m delighted you enjoyed my most recent Warhammer 30K novel, Legion, and your expressions of delight were duly noted here at Abnett Towers. Good luck with the therapy.

Toobad and Sredni - Ravenor Rouge will now become a short story in the forthcoming Ravenor/Eisenhorn collection. It will be about Maxilla.

Rory - I will come to Scotland and, indeed, Edinburgh as soon as the Black Library organises it (late summer, we hope).

One day gingers will rule the earth - Delighted as I am to be playing tennis with the multiple personas you are lobbing at me over the net, I feel, at this time, I should say, “Good luck with that.” Paper towels are, of course, always an option.

Shawn - This is how it worked. Mike Lee was cloned from my genetic material into 15 bodies and then ran wild and free with creative energy to turn the Darkblade graphic novels I had produced into proper prose. He now needs to have a long, restful lie down.

Jimmi magnus - The Emperor was worshipped right from the minute he sent his forces out from Terra. They didn’t actually understand him as a god, but they realised he was fething heavy duty.

Anonymous - The Patrick O’Brian novels are, indeed, fantastic, and I would recommend them to anybody. The film’s pretty good too. I wish I was half as good as Mr O’Brian.

Kromvolt - I am so glad I put the E in epic. I may have put the c and i into epic as well. I’ve nearly got the whole word covered.

Nemesis749 - No one in the known world can actually explain the colour code at the top of the Horus Heresy novels. It’s just a fact. Accept it and get on with your life. I have. If it’s any consolation, we meet regularly and discuss the over all structure of the Horus books and none of us understand the colour coding either.

Ross - Yes, you did get mentioned in a Dan Abnett blog post. Oh my fething god, you got mentioned again.

The-seventh-son - Thank you for your kind words, and welcome to the blog. May you post regularly.

Brandon - The death of Gary Gygax was, indeed, a terrible blow. Without D&D, AD&D, Traveler and Call of Cthulhu, I would not be doing what I do today, and neither would my wife. We were RPGers in the 80s and we were proud to be so. The death of Mr Gygax made me think of iron spikes (always useful), the original Games Workshop pale blue cover edition of D&D, which I treasure to this day, and the fifth form at school (year 11 or 9th grade to you lot). My friend, Julian Styles had the original 3 volume D&D and introduced me to role playing. Everything I do and write now is based on the campaigns I mastered back then.

Chris - Thanks for your fond remarks. Gravier’s storyline never really came to an end.

nhz - The wounds that Gaunt has received during his career defy cataloguing. Just be thankful he’s still alive.

mob - Guardians of the Galaxy, like Nova, is going to be a blast. Hold tight and prepare for action.

Jennifer Burdo - If it was me, I’d call my cat Ludd, which is like purr, backwards, except it isn’t. I’d also be tempted to call it Mkvenner, except that it would go out and never come back again.

sorl kennedy - Namatjira is empowered with the authority of Horus, which equals the Emperor. He is the commander of a branch of the crusade. Of course fething primarchs kneel to him. He’s the proxy of the fething Emperor. By the way, congratulations for being the first Legion nay-sayer so far.

Paul - As I said somewhere at the start of this rambling monologue, welcome to the blog. Your sketches were really fantastic and you should post them here for others to enjoy.

Thus concludes the business of the day. Tune in next week to hear Nurse Janice say...

I don't get hand dryers...

...or hamadryads, but they’re another thing entirely. It seems that an awful lot of you experience the same kinds of problems with automatic doors, automatic taps, automatic blowy devices and automatic automatics. We’d all be pretty crap on the Starship Enterprise, wouldn’t we? yes, wait... that was meant to be rhetorical. Why am I expressing my ignoramity out loud. What a loser.

Soapy- I too have stopped peeing in public loos. I now pee in public. It’s just part of my thing. Performance art.

Cor - yes, I have sold my soul to the devil.
Too bad - the sequel to Double Eagle is called Interceptor City and will be with you in a year or so. What books of mine should you definitely read? Eisenhorn, Riders of the Dead , and Fell Cargo.

Xhalax - Do it! Thank YOU for coming along to the signing, it was lovely to see you.

Big - Dancing? In Cambridge? Next weekend? We are so going to capture that!

Toymachine - Yes I am a psyker.

Rory - Seems I might be coming to Edinburgh soon, and Games Day Germany, which might please several of my regular posters.

Jack - I’m the whole silver-skinned, purple afro Magus. I didn’t grow up on Starlin comics without bonding them into my DnA. Trolls? I don’t know anything about trolls.

Dom - Welcome Dom, to this blog. Rooney too.

Big - Thanks for the listing.

Ross - Oskar Viltry is a truly lost hero. Thanks for remembering him.

Kelticemt - Thanks for reading. Beltayn is a wonderful person to be.

One day gingers will rule the earth - Yes, your wife is having an affair. With an insurance salesman.

Xhalax - Do it! is the overall command of the Alpha Legion. You’ll find it in several places.

My local, independent art shop is closing down. I have been frequenting the shop for its entire 19 year tenure, first buying supplies for my mother, the artist, Emma Abnett, and latterly for my wife, Nik, whom you all know.

Lots of stuff in the shop is on sale, and I had my eye on a skeletal wooden hand that I had been admiring for nigh on ten years. Picture the following scenario, bearing in mind that the proprietor’s name is David.

Nik - It’s the fist of Horus.

David - Horus... as in Warhammer?

Dan - Yes.

David - I’m not into the game, but I read a lot of sci-fi and I’ve just been reading a big volume of some of the collected novels.

Dan - That’s my job.

David - ...What’s you’re name.

Dan - Dan Abnett.

David - You’re kidding me!

The rest of the conversation went pretty much as you’d expect. Anyhow, the following day, I popped into the shop with a copy of Legion and duly signed it for him. I still can’t believe, after all these years, that we didn’t know each others’ names.

If you’re there David, say Hi to everyone.

Typed, but not dictated by young Lily. Whoopdy frikkin do!

Life and opinions

I would like to be Adam Warlock, but I fear I am Agun Soric.

I’m playing Big’s game of “Pick which character you’d like to be, but then admit which one you actually are.” Adam Warlock, who wouldn’t want to be him? The hair? The teeth? The pecs? The lightning flash? Being written by Jim Starlin wouldn’t hurt either.

Sadly, I think I am a chained psychic toiling in the mechanisms of the 40K universe.

So, moving on from that dull note, I can confirm to Curis that “The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy” is one of my all time favourite books, very much like “The Canterbury Tale” is one of my all time favourite films. I have no apathy towards 18th century literature or Steve Coogan. Thanks for the recommendation, “A Cock and Bull Story” is up there with “Adaptation” and “Stranger than Fiction”.

I’d like to thank everybody who turned up at the Plaza today, especially Xhalax. Double thanks to her for sticking around for a chat, it was a long way to come and she was charming company, as always. Next Saturday I’m going to be at Waterstones in York from 6 o’clock. Be there, or be somewhere else.

Xhalax - you’re Ban-ness rating is the best piece of inter-textual review my books have ever received. Just you wait, I believe Ban is going to be the star of “Blood Pact”.

For general consumption. Nik is definitely Alizebeth Bequin. Except she’s not a ho. I want to make that perfectly clear. You can base a character on a person without all the extraneous stuff. She is beautiful, wise and serious.

Jack - If the Nova run is up there with Ed Brubaker’s Cap then that’s fine praise indeed.

Big - You are indeed the personification of Gol Kolea. I know everyone wants to be Mkoll.

Kampfhamster - We all miss Gutes.

Anon - Thanks for the recipe. I will recite the litany of refrigeration.

Xhalax - As Nik suggested, let’s not have big breasts come between us. I think you mean Seena. Actually, it’s quite possible that you’re Commissar-General Victoria Balshin.

Rob - Yes, you ARE Varl.

Rory - Cuu scares the living shit out of everyone. And, yes, I‘d love to come to Scotland, and I’ve suggested it to BL, so watch this space.

Nemesis749 - It is, indeed, a long, ugly war, and I do love putting your faves into the shooty shooty.

Cor - I love Firefly too, one of the best shows EVER.

Blade4hire - Welcome aboard, and thanks for the kind words.

Xhalax - Congrats on the hundredth post. Summer Glau! PhwwAU!

Sredni - I’m so, so sorry.

Dear Sleepless in Strathclyde. One day gingers will rule the earth - Sir, I’m a sci-fi author and not a marriage guidance counselor. However, I suggest the following. Take the garden gate off its hinges. Oil it thoroughly with WD40 and then hide the gate somewhere, such as the back of the garden shed or the bottom of a deep, deep well. Then wait in bed for your dearest and see what creaks. I suggest packing a deuce-deuce over-and-under las pistol, or a 40watt, 700megathule plasma cannon, perhaps snuggled under your pillows. If the bedroom door opens, and it’s Ana Curth or Kara Swole then hurray you. Otherwise, lock and load. Hey, I think I’m getting the hang of this agony aunt thing

Packaj - Of course I read everything you (write here). I don’t have people to do that for me. I don’t have people to do anything for me. I don’t think Gaunt would be Gaunt if he accepted a promotion, either.

Big - Apparently you’re dancing. What I wouldn’t give to see that!

Lordy - Gaunt vs Rawne? Gaunt would win for the reasons given, but Rawne is a sneaky bastard and I’m a sneaky writer.

Cor - Karkasy was a favourite of mine and Loken was too, but my favourite Horus Heresy character has got to be John Grammaticus. Or Hurtado Bronzi. Or Peto Soneka.

That’s enough for tonight. I appear to be suffering from a strange condition whereby automated taps and hand dryers don’t respond to me. I understand that this is very strange and minor, but can anyone help?

It’s Friday, so I must blog (as Stan Lee never said). It seems that synchronicity and coincidence, my fairweather friends, are haunting me again this week. Just about everyone I saw on my walk into town for Friday lunch with Nik then congregated at Maidstone railway station at 4 o’clock. It was weird. It was as if my life was a film and I got to see all the extras heading home after work.

Also, four black cats crossed my path. I think that’s supposed to be lucky. I think that thinking that makes me a slightly strange person. At least I didn’t run any of them over (although the first one, the very fluffy one, came awfully close to my bumper).

OK, the main points of this week. Roy Scheider died. As Nik remarked, that was ‘one of those slightly unsettling things’. As far as I’m concerned, Roy was a screen god and a bastion of 70s cinema. Roy Scheider, by his own estimation, made three great films: Jaws, The French Connection and All That Jazz. I, however, will always remember him as Dustin Hoffman’s big brother in Marathon Man. He was 75, but I can’t believe he’s dead.

Steve Gerber also died this week. A mainstay of Marvel in the 70s and the mind behind Howard the Duck, Gerber was a genius. Pure and simple. The comic industry has lost a genuine talent.

In other news, Raquel Welch is 67. She looks f**king fantastic. So, there you go.

Now on to this weeks responses.

Jack - Cosmo will be being in the new Guardians of the Galaxy comic. Woof!

Big - Yes it was a mega-blog. You can tell me about the fistycuffs when I see you in Cambridge.

Rory - I haven’t yet written Spiderman, but it’s probably on the horizon.

Xhalax - You’re a trooper. How much Daur was there in OiD? How much? Lots of Daur!

Brandon - Happy Birthday! Everyone wish Brandon a Happy Birthday.

Big Will - I’d really like to write a book called ‘Ven’. How cool would that be?

Ianifiel - New Zealand sounds very New Zealandish. Just find somebody to invite me.

Sam - Chin up. Every thing’s all right.

Packmaster and Xhalax - Nathun Inshabel on Elvira Cardinal. Tough job. I’m working on it.

Sredni - The map’s been published, Mr Vashtar. I worked long and hard on it.

Rob - You’re spot on, but it’s an ursid, not a bear. The riff should have gone, ‘The ursid exploded through the undergrowth, snapping at everything in sight. Ven eviscerated it with his silver dagger. He was nine years old. The nalwoods closed around him. In the time it took for the ursid to die, Ven had wiped his knife, cleaned and dressed the kill and carried it home on a split log.’ That’s the way we do it in Ghost country.

Steve - Are you suggesting that all BL novels are pulp? Or are you proposing that you’d rather have decent RPGs instead of the novels that BL publishes, which might be considered pulpish? Either way, I’m probably offended. Any company needs to make money and you can double that if it’s a publicly owned company. If I didn’t write for a living, I’d write anyway. Thankfully, BL pays my mortgage, so I don’t have to do two jobs. If you want to discuss this stuff, you’re probably talking to the wrong man.

Mista25 (Patrick) - Greetings to Denmark. Sorry you didn’t like Armour of Contempt. Maybe I will try to get Gaunt that promotion you’re talking about.

Patrick (2) - I had honestly forgotten about the smoking thing in Only in Death, but I feel that Sredni’s explanation is spot on. Who the feth would smoke when it was that dry?

Big Steve - Three shredded wheat?!

Rob - Skulls = ashtrays. Good solution.

Nemesis 749 - Hello to you too. You’re welcome to join in with us.

Rob - ‘Stranger than Fiction’ is a damned good movie, but it’s not half as good as... that one about the orchid thief... you know, the one with Meryl Streep... it’s really late and my brain won’t work.

Thank you for making this another hundred post blog.

Rob - ‘Adaptation’ Gaaah! That was the movie. If you haven’t seen it already, it’s worth renting.

Oh look, he's here again.

Yeah, I know. Far too slow with the old bloggage. My apologies.

Let’s review the minutes of the last meeting. Someone... I think it might have been Xhalax... was asking about signings, so pay attention because here’s the skinny:

The signing season begins on Saturday the 23rd of February at the Games Workshop store in the Oxford Street Plaza, London, from 11 ’til 12.

The following Saturday, March 1st, I’ll be at Waterstones in York at 6pm for a special event.

The following Saturday, March 8th, I’ll be at GW Cambridge from 2 o’clock onwards, and I hope it’s another wonderful chat and comment session like the last one.

The following Saturday March 15th, the mighty Graham McNeil and I will be at Forbidden Planet in Shaftsbury Avenue for a two-hander, in which I will, as ever, play the part of the straight man to Graham’s Eric Morecombe. We’ll sing, we’ll dance, and I’ll be the one with the short, fat, hairy legs.

On Sunday April 20th, I will be attending Games Day, Paris, one of the highlights of the BL calendar, not least because of the creme brulee. I believe Graham will be their too.

On the evening of Friday May the 2nd, I’ll be doing a talk at a library in London. Details to follow.

I expect to see all of you there, at every event.

Now on to any other business. Thanks for all your New Year’s resolutions. It strikes me that there are a lot of armies out there waiting to be painted. I have a man who does that for me.

Jack - I’m glad you like Cosmo. He’s become a favourite of mine and will be taking a labrador shaped role in the new Guardians of the Galaxy book.

NHZ and Toymachine - I just can’t get enough of the Cant jokes. Can’t I? No, I can’t, can I, Cant? Trooper Cant is destined for great things in the next Gaunt installment, which has now been formally titled ‘Blood Pact’. Watch this space.

Rob - I’m glad that OiD occupied your attention so much that only your sister’s wedding could derail your attention. Shoggy is, of course, still with us. And no, Gaunt’s new augmetic eyes will not be able to shoot lasers. That would just be silly. And a little unfair on the archenemy.

Xhalax - Yes, you might see some more from the Lone Wolves. By the way, my name is Abnett, not Abentt, though many might think that was more fitting.

Matt - Good luck with the new job.

John - I don’t think I ever said what the Belladon colours were. Maybe I missed something I forgot. Any suggestions? Nik suggests midnight blue and white with a hint of gangrene.

Rory - I’d encourage you to keep reading Horus Rising, but I see Nik’s already done that, and I’m coming far too late to this blog, because, you’ve already finished it. I hope my words of encouragement might have been successful, if they’d appeared at the right time.

Bigwill - Thankyou very much. Why are you reading at work?

Xhalax (part II) - Bugging the crap out of people is indeed a tried and tested method. I’m just now writing a story for the Ravenor/Eisenhorn collection entitled ‘Nathun Inshabel on Elvira Cardinal’ just for you. I believe it’s even dedicated to you. You see what bugging the crap out of people leads to? You won’t be happy. I put more Ban Daur in OiD just for you and did I get any thanks? Did I bo**ocks.

Big - Stop encouraging Xhalax to be a Fenrisian. She’s fierce enough as it is and has the beard to prove it.

Rory (again) - Nik says that I am the best reader she’s ever encountered (yes, I know you meant writer). Thank you for saying so.

Big (once more) - I believe Xhalax IS strong enough to pull four Fenrisian longships and wrestle a Kraken single-handed. You met her, right? She made me write ‘Nathun Inshabel on Elvira Cardinal’ by remote control. The girl is scary.

NHZ (the sequel) - Larkin and Rawne drinking Ghost-Bragge sacra brought a tear to my eye too. Sometimes I wonder if you realise how emotional an author can get about his characters. Then again, I might just be a wuss. Toymachine - There was plenty of Daur! I refer you back to the Xhalax comment above.

John (encore) - Mkoll and Ezrah teaming up was, for me, the perfect buddy, buddy moment. Is there anything those two couldn’t do, on their own, let alone together? I’m afraid Ven is never going to make it to the party. He’s playing Robin Hood on Gereon. Maybe that should be a novel? What d’ya say?

Kosh - Good luck with that. As I deal with message boards more and more, I realise that anonymity does bring out the worst in people. Yes, and sometimes the best.

John (part III) - I wonder why Novabasky’s speech resonates so thoroughly with the readership. I’m glad it does, it’s just strange to me that what was, effectively, a throw-away ends up having deep significance.

Big (I’m losing count) - Legion IS the nuts. I know. I wrote it. It’s the best thing I’ve ever written, apart from Titanicus. And Necropolis. And the Riders of the Dead. And Honour Guard... oh I’ll shut up.

Leo - My story, ‘Point of Contact’, in the Solaris book of science fiction vol II, is a small piece that I hope you enjoy. And yes, it does mark the beginning of more non-GW stuff from me. NHZ - your final use of the word ‘mostly’ reminded me of Newt in Aliens.

Big (yet again) - It’s awful that Heath Ledger is dead, and what’s worse is the speculation. Let us console ourselves with Brokeback Mountain, Ten things I Hate about You and, of course, A Knight’s Tale.

John, Packmaster - I do work very hard at the names of my characters, and we authors worked closely to construct the Heresy books, especially me and Graham. The Heresy events were detailed long before we came to them, but many of the characters and incidents are of our own invention. With Alan Merrit’s express permission.

Rory - Oan Mkoll was named after Ewan Mkoll, father of Kirsty, a great folk musician and a friend of my parents. Ewan had the best singing voice I’ve ever heard. Which, of course, has nothing to do with Oan.

Everyone - Bell of Lost Souls’s Horus codex is fantastic and I encourage every one of you to order a copy.

Anonymous - As far as I know, all Black Industries stuff has been canned. That’s the way it goes. If it didn’t sell, it wasn’t worth doing. You can’t argue with that. GW is making cuts across the board, and I am especially pained to see the loss of my good friend and BL publisher Marc Gascoigne. I will miss him, enormously.

As Lily would have it, ‘Land of Leather’.

That concludes the reading of the minutes. Any other business?

See you next time.

In with the new

Just a quick word from me, as I'm carapace-deep in Titanicus. I hope you all had a fab Christmas, and I'd like to wish you all a wonderful New Year. Anybody made an interesting resolutions?

Oh, and as you contemplate the tasks and goals you might undertake in 2008, you may wish to consider the following Cameroonian adage I read in a newspaper recently: "One who swallows a coconut trusts his anus."

Since you asked

In the words of Victoria Wood, I am often poked in the street by complete acquaintances, and asked about ‘writing’. “What is it?” I get asked, “Where is it?”, “How do you do it?” and “Where do you get yours from?”

Checking this website’s post bag, I see I have been inundated lately by two or even three emails asking me about the whole ‘writing thing’, so I thought it might be time to publish a few remarks on the subject (are you sitting comfortably, Paul Braggins and Robert Collier?).

Allow me to, first, disambiguate some important stuff (‘disambiguate’ is a proper fifty buck writer’s word; see how I use it, devil-may-care, like I’ve got a bag of them? This is not the sign of a good writer. Also, see how I went and split the infinitive? And you’re taking advice from me?).

Anyway, the first and most important thing to know is this: there is NO FORMULA. There simply isn’t. There is no magic formula that will turn you into a writer. You’re either a writer or you’re not.

So, how do you find out if you’re a writer? Well, is your answer to the following questions ‘yes’? Are you a reader? If you answered ‘no’, you’re excused. Do you read and read and read, anything, everything? Yes? Good start.

Do you write? Day after day, night after night, do you fill notebooks with stuff? No? Then, at this point, you, sir or madam, are also excused the rest of this, and may skip out of class early.

Who’s left? Hands up? The hardcore? Okay, let’s get down to the nitty gritty. You guys write? You write a lot? Wonderful. Do you have readers? Do your readers tell you what you’re doing is good? Or do they tell you it’s bad? What do they say? If they’re critical of your work, do you take it personally and sulk, or do you absorb the criticism and try to learn from it?

This is a fine line. On the one hand, a writer needs a thick skin. He (or she) needs to believe in what he is doing and not get derailed by criticism. However, a writer also needs readers, and therefore needs to be producing something that other people will want to read. If someone says they didn’t like something in your work (and I’m talking here about thoughtful, well-intentioned comments, not heartless slagging off), it might reward you to consider their remarks in a positive way. You might decide you don’t agree, but it’s just as likely you’ll learn something useful.

In my experience, writing (anything, but especially a novel) is like running a marathon. You might have the will, but unless you’ve been training, you won’t last a mile. Writing for yourself on a regular basis is like weight training or practice circuits: you build up stamina and ‘writing muscles’ until you’re fit enough to take on that marathon. Writing for yourself on a regular basis also helps you to burn out all the unintentional influences your reading habits will have caused you to absorb. The more you write, the more you get stuff out of your system until you’re writing your own thing, not your version of something you once read that you liked.

Once you start listening and learning, you never stop. I had been writing for ten years (comics, and three unpublished and never to be published novels) when Black Library invited me to write for them. They wanted comics at first, then short stories, then novels. Twenty-six novels later, I may have paid my dues, but every new project brings its own lessons. Some can take you by surprise.

Creative writing classes and ‘how to’ books are, in my opinion, of dubious worth, because (as I may have remarked) there IS NO MAGIC FORMULA that can be taught or learned (and anyone who says otherwise is a dirty rotten fibber). However, classes and books are very useful in that they get you thinking about what you’re doing, and (in the case of classes) they expose your work to a critical audience. Also, many cogent, amusing and thought-provoking things have been written on the subject, by finer writers than me. I have put together some recommendations (you don’t have to agree with everything they say, but it’s worthwhile hearing someone else’s point of view).
First, google, locate, print out and digest the following:

Alan Moore’s 5 Tips For Would Be Comic Writers.
“Easy on the Hooptedoodle” by Elmore Leonard.
The Turkey City Lexicon.

After that, you may want to explore something a little longer, and I suggest Stephen King’s ‘On Writing’ and Norman Mailer’s ‘The Spooky Art’ as books that, if they don’t actually benefit you practically, will at least reward the reading.

Finally, submission. I get more questions about how to submit work to publishers than anything else. There is only one basic rule to remember: investigate a publisher’s submission guidelines and FOLLOW THEM. There is no point sending a publisher something inappropriate, too long, too short, wrongly formatted etc. It will just get ignored. If there happen to be any actual publishers reading, maybe they’d like to post any submission-related advice I might have missed.

Thanks for listening. Now go and write something.

Since I'm on the subject...

...Went to GW Cambridge today and had a fabulous time. Hats off to Andy and his crew, George, Alex and, of course, Big Steve. I think Big Steve will become a character in Sinister Dexter before too long, and Alex has become my go-to guy on all things Titanic. Fantastic burgers, also! Thanks to all for a really good afternoon and especially for the Gaunt miniature. It will sit on my desk and look at me. I wish I could share some of the stories that were told, but I feel some of them are too much for public consumption, which is not to say that you won't have the chance to read them in some format or other. If Sinister or Dexter don't end up with luminous splinters in their arses soon, I'd be very surprised. Thanks also to Kampfhamster, chocolate not-with-standing, who turned up on his own and his friend's behalf and did something that has happened to me only twice before, which is to say that he got his friend on the phone to talk to me. This happened to me in Indianapolis, and at Birmingham last year, where I ended up talking to somebody who couldn't be there, but wished they had been. In Cambridge I spoke to Packmaster in Dortmund. It's a funny old world.

On a site like this, you receive e-mails regularly, some of which take you aback. I love getting e-mail responses, either praise or criticism, it's great to know that people care enough to want to write. Below, I repeat in full, without comment, the e-mail I received yesterday. It's one of the all-time classics and I hope you enjoy it.

"Dear Dan

     I don't know where to begin... You used to be my favorite writer up until this book. I loved the Ravenor series. Double Eagle was one of the best books I ever read... But what happened when you wrote this book? Ever since Double Eagle I was dreaming that you would write a book about the Dark Eldar which is the team I play with. When I saw the book I almost crapped in my pants I was so excited... and then within the first chapter I was certain that someone else wrote this book and used your name to sell it because the writing isn't your style at all! Seeing as the book is all about space marines I knew the DE would get the shaft from the start but I was hoping that you would at least give some credit to them, and I cannot believe what you did. Droning on for chapters about how weak the DE are. I thought that if you would write about an army, you'd at least buy their codex and read their stats and study their weaponry to give credit where credit is due. Clearly you didn't even bother to learn anything about the DE. Because if you did, you would know why the Dark Eldar motto is "speed is our armor" the DE have almost nothing for armor, but they are incredibly fast, much faster than space marines, and yet, many times you go on about how much faster the "brothers" are in comparison. The DE also have outstanding anti-armor weapons, Blasters and Dark lances are better at busting up heavily armor tanks/people than lascannons with their special rules. But never once did you mention any other weapons than splinter riles/pistols. The DE also are a "Raiding" army, they rush in on Raiders and Ravagers, never did you include that in this book, which I think is funny, you write about the DE invading a city, and then your "brothers" come in, and the DE are fleeing the city on foot... So did the DE fly to this planet, and park all their vehicles in the jungle some 10 miles away just for kicks? or did they just run across space to this planet?

   There are so many awesome things about the DE that you could have wrote about and make an awesome book (even if the DE didn't win) All I was hoping for was that you would have done justice for the DE. Give them credit where credit is due, just like any other army, and all you did was insult them. For what? do you just hate them? There aren't many of us DE players but we are still around and we love our armies. We're all praying that Games Workshop will give us a new codex and update our models and such. But because we are so unpopular, I doubt we ever will, and you just made it so much worst for us... Why go to such great lengths just to insult all DE players? and not just us, you also insulted all Ork players as well... I believe at one point in the book it was just 50 of your brothers vs. thousands of orks, and not one single brother fell... do you actually play 40k? have you ever seen orks in action? they are unreal in close combat, and you sold them down the river just to rave about how awesome the space marines are... all I want to know is why? the space marines are the favored sons of Games Workshop and one of the most common armies played, and you outright insult several armies and thousands of players, just to praise the already over-praised? Well, you can be sure that you've lost quite a few fans because of this god awful book.

     But, even though I was furious when I finished your book, all I wanted to do is to write to you and scream my head off about how you could do such a thing as create this book. But after thinking about it... I could never insult you more than how much you have embarrassed yourself. The only part of the book that I liked was when you spent about 3-4 pages raving about how invincible your brothers are, enough to claim that they could "destroy the gods themselves"... and in the same chapter, wasn't it 2 of your brothers that were killed by farmers? and 1 was wounded or something like that. You didn't even make an excuse about why they died at the hands of farmers... you didn't rave about how the powers of chaos possessed these people and made them god-like (and that was why they managed to kill some of your brothers) so... the Dark Eldar and the Orks are no match for the space marines.... but pitch fork wielding farmers are their kryptonite? I sure hope that Games Workshop creates that army for the game because I would totally play them.

   So to sum up, you know nothing about the DE or the Orks but you write about them anyway. You completely insult thousands of players around the world. You've embarrassed yourself to no extent because of the terrible writing and god awful story plot, and you have surely lost fans... was it worth it? Seeing as this email is not praising your work, I'm sure you will never see it, but someone needed to try and open your eyes. BTW playing with the DE, I have won many more games than I've lost, and most of my victims have been space marines. I suggest, that if your going to write about a game, you should try to understand at least some of the game, and its armies."

So, it's goodnight from me, and, it's goodnight from him. Goodnight.

Cambridge

Another weekend, another signing. This coming Saturday (17th November) I'm due to be signing at the Cambridge Games Workshop during the afternoon. My plan is to arrive early afternoon (2 o'clock-ish) and to stay around for as long as people will have me. Perhaps I'll see you there

Maidstone signing

Just wanted to post a quick note to announce that I'll be signing at Waterstones (Fremlin Walk) in Maidstone on Saturday 10th November, from 3.30 tp 4.30. Please come along if you can and say hi.

Further to the question 'how many Space Marines does it take to change a light bulb?', I think it's worth remembering that any change is heresy and must be stamped out for the good of the Imperium (answer sanctioned by the ordos of the Imperial Inquisition).

Or... an entire chapter. One Space Marine to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the chapter to unscrew the hive in the opposite direction.

Compare also: a Dark Eldar joke. "How many mon-keighs does it take to tile a bathroom?" Ans: "It depends how thinly you slice them."

Nurgle's Rot

So it would appear that I've been horribly ill. These things happen. According to my doctor, I had a virus that was "severe" and "unusual". Go me. I'll spare you the gory details, but apart from the delirium and the fever and the general aches and pains, the worst part was the simulated severe arthritis it brought on in most of my joints, especially my right shoulder. I have never been so sick, nor have I ever experienced such chronic pain. I'm pretty much all better now, except for my right shoulder, which is making typing difficult. My osteopath is on danger money.

Anyway, what did I miss? My daughter's birthday, my birthday, and, most importantly, the breaking of the 100 post barrier on the last blog entry. Well done to all those concerned for a whole hearted effort. I'm just going to go through it now and answer any dangling questions or pick up on any particular comments. Oh and welcome to all the newbies who joined in the marathon posting session.

Billy Aguiar: Titanicus will be a 40K novel. I think it's Games Workshop's call if any other authors write within the Sabbat Worlds Crusade setting. As for things I've created, I'd have to say that my proudest moment is probably the vox-caster.

Sotirios: I don't think we've yet decided whose geneseed is in the bodies of the Iron Snakes. I'm open to sensible suggestions.

Anon: I would say your label of "Crusade" for the 500,000 strong regiment is a good one. We have to remember the sheer scale of the Imperial Guard in 40K. Manpower alone dictates that regiments would be much bigger, generally speaking, than real world equivalents. I do intend for the Titans in Titanicus to follow the recognised scale.

Allandaros: I hope to be writing a War Hammer novel before too long, and as Marco was kind enough to point out, my creative handiwork can be found in the 40K RPG.

Anon: I'm afraid to say that my new Torchwood story is indeed going to be exclusive to audio. Bern Gorman (Owen) is going to read it.

Xhalax/NL/Jam Bunny: I especially put a whole Ban Daur bit in OiD to give him a moment of glory, and still you want more?

Grant: *Waves back* Hello!

Everyone listen to Jesse. His advice re tank fighting is bound to come in useful.

BP Steve: Your story about your dad taking you to interview was fantastic.
I'd certainly like to write some more Riders of the Dead and Fell Cargo stories, but a rather different War Hammer book is in the offing first.

Lordy: I think the Chronicles of Malus Darkblade Vol I is going to be the first three books. However, Darkblade book 2 may well become a reality.

Fitz: Welcome. When I first started writing the Ghosts' stories there was a throw away idea that they were the Sharpe in Space novels. That notion has long since got lost under the layers of continuity.

Dan is worn out and needs to retire gracefully, feeling very unfunny. He does however believe that Alpharius could do worse than sing "My Way."

Suggestions please, for answers to the question, "How many Space Marines does it take to change a light bulb?"

Methods of jam defence.

It’s about time I answered the questions Tempest posted. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the casting questions. Eliza Dushku as Criid is particularly good.

And so, to the questions.

“Will there be novel(s) where the Isstavaan V dropsite massacre and the Battle of Terra is described in full detail? Because right now, the books are skirting the main plot.”

Dan: We’re not skirting the main plot. We’re building the scheme of the Heresy. It’ll take quite a long time, because it is an epic event, and we don’t want to short change you. The massacre will be covered in detail, and the Battle of Terra will be written in full, once Graham and I have fought each other with knives for the honour.

“What novel are you most proud of, or do you think has had the most impact on GW fiction.

Dan: Horus Rising (and Legion) will have the most impact, and I’m proud of them both. However, there are other books that I’m proud of. Necropolis, because it was the book where I finally felt I was getting it right. Honour Guard, because it’s so neat in its symmetry. Traitor General for breaking the mold. The Armour of Contempt for the writing. Only in Death, because it’s a proper Ghost story. And Riders of the Dead, because it’s the best thing I’ve ever written. OK, all of them.

“How far do you plan on taking the Gaunt’s Ghosts series? Are we going to see the final battle of the Sabbat Worlds Crusade with the Ghosts?”

Dan: In my mind, I’m planning on at least another couple of story arcs with the Ghosts. I’d like to have them see out the campaign. I’m just not entirely sure they’ll survive that long. I do have an idea for the last Ghost story. One day, maybe...

“Any more plans to put out some full novels or short stories on Inquisitor Eisenhorn and his further adventures?”

Dan: Eisenhorn was always going to be a trilogy. Ravenor was intended to be a series, but after Ravenor Rogue, I realised that it should be a trilogy too. There will be more novels set in that “inquisitor family” series, and I might lift a character out of the Ravenor books for a trilogy, in the same way that I lifted Ravenor out of Eisenhorn. The Nayl trilogy, perhaps, or the Kyss trilogy, maybe. Before I get to that, there will be a book of Inquisitor short stories, exploring various moments in the lives of Eisenhorn, Ravenor, and their various henchmen. I’m writing that now, so Xhalax will be pleased, I hope.

“What is your next planned Horus Heresy novel?”

Dan: Well, Legion, obviously. After that, Graham and I are discussing how to handle Prospero.

“Can we expect to see any of your more in depth characters added to Warhammer 40K. It would be nice to actually see the Ghost characters put back into play. Eisenhorn and Ravenor maybe?”

Dan: As far as I’m concerned, all my characters are 40K. They’re part of the game universe, so they’re part of the game. It would be nice to see miniatures of some of the characters, but I’ll leave that up to the inventive scratch-building modellers out there.

“What are your future writing plans? Anything in the works for a new series?”

Dan: I’m about to start work on Titanicus, which will be an epic scale, or should I say Apocalypse scale, novel about Titans. At some point, I will get around to writing the second book in the Double Eagle series, and in 08, I will be writing a novel for Solaris.

“Are you a 40K player? If so, what is your preferred army?”

Dan: A-Duh. Imperial Guard.

“Will we ever see Brin Milo and Agun Soric again?”

Dan: Yes. I will not be drawn further on this topic.

“Here on Astronomicon.com we have several budding authors who frequently write short stories and even long series based on the 40K universe. Do you have any tips for the future writers of BL fiction, and budding sci-fi/fantasy writers in general?”

Dan: Read and write. Build up your writing muscles, because writing a novel is a long haul. Get feedback from people around you, and develop a thick skin. If they don’t like it, it’s your fault, not their’s. Try again and be better, and listen to what they’re saying.

“Which one of your many, varied characters has most in common with you?”

Dan: All of them, and none of them. But at a push, Zweil.

“In a similar vein, if you could be in the 40K universe, who (or what) would you be?”

Dan: A Necron. Or Orfeo Culzean.

“With Only in Death closing on its public release, and your plan to take a break, are you planning to revisit the Sabbat Worlds in other books? Or will Double Eagle II be the last for the forseeable future.”

Dan: I’ll be back with Gaunt in a year or so. From my perspective, I’ve already had a year’s break from Gaunt and the Sabbat Worlds campaign.

“Of the non-Warhammer stuff you have done, which is your favourite?”

Dan: My Torchwood novel was fun to do, and well received, and the comic work I do all the time is fantastic fun, partly because of my collaboration with Andy Lanning. I’ve recently enjoyed writing Superman for DC.

“Of the comic stuff you have co-created (rather than just written for) which makes you most proud?”

Dan: The answer has got to be Sinister/Dexter, which I created myself and have written every episode of (in 2000AD). I’m also very proud of the 2000AD strip, Kingdom. I’ve worked closely with Andy Lanning for 20 years now, and it’s fantastic that our run on Nova for Marvel is blasting out of the shops and earning us enormous praise.

“What’s it like to see your characters made into Citadel miniatures? Are they as you imagined them?”

Dan: It’s fabulous to see Eisenhorn and Gaunt brought to life. I want more!

“Do you have an Iron Snakes army?”

Dan: I wish.

“What is it like being Lord of the Universe?”

Dan: It’s fine, but the throne is a little hard on my backside.

“Who is your favourite character to write about, and why?”

Dan: Rawne, because he’s Rawne. See also Orfeo Culzean.

“If you could make a movie out of any one of your novels, what novel would it be, and who would you like to see acting in your movie?”

Dan: The casting details are still under discussion, here on this blog.

“You seem to have a very good working knowledge of a military fighting force and its organisation in the Gaunt’s Ghosts series. Do you have a military background? If not, what sources do you use?”

Dan: I have never served in the military, but I am flattered by the number of people who assume that I have. I read a lot, and study hard. Given the world we live in, there’s plenty to study.

For all of those waiting for pictures from GamesDay UK, they will appear, I promise. We're all wrestling with new computers at the moment, and haven't quite got them sorted out yet. Watch this space.