Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Maidstone signing

Just wanted to post a quick note to announce that I'll be signing at Waterstones (Fremlin Walk) in Maidstone on Saturday 10th November, from 3.30 tp 4.30. Please come along if you can and say hi.

Further to the question 'how many Space Marines does it take to change a light bulb?', I think it's worth remembering that any change is heresy and must be stamped out for the good of the Imperium (answer sanctioned by the ordos of the Imperial Inquisition).

Or... an entire chapter. One Space Marine to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the chapter to unscrew the hive in the opposite direction.

Compare also: a Dark Eldar joke. "How many mon-keighs does it take to tile a bathroom?" Ans: "It depends how thinly you slice them."

74 comments:

b.p. said...

Good to here ur up an around

Matthew Churchill said...

Hmmm... Maidstone...

Perhaps I could mail Waterstones a cell-phone in a jiffy-bag?

M

Nik said...

matthew - message me your number and I'll ring you if he gets a lull.
to everyone else - this is a one time offer only, and matthew asked first.

Tempest said...

you know what'd be a great name for a titan?

... Tempeste!!!

XD

can't blame me for trying eh?

lordy said...

Oh, that's actually not far from me. If I can get my books sent over from home I'll bring them along.

Xhalax said...

You and your Amalathian leanings!

And damn Space Marines doing everything the hard way!

Anonymous said...

For all of you silly questions lovers, I'd like to submit :

Why did the Space Marine cross the road ?

Dju

Sam said...

I think the virus thing may actually have been an Alpha Legion mission to implant Alpharius's DNA into Dan in order to create a new version of the Primarch.

It just goes to show how ninja the Alpha Legion really are, they infiltrated Dan whilst he was writing about them!

Lordy said...

Anon - to get to the other side?

NHZ said...

I want you all to know that, thanks to this blog, my brain works even less well than before. After beating a friend at the video game "Soul Calibur 2," one that he usually wins, I meant to yell "I'm Spartacus!"

Guess why I hesitated?

(and no, Spartacus is not in Soul Calibur 2, but no one would've understood me if I'd given into the urge to yell about how I was a primarch)

Allandaros said...

Q: How many Orks does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They start putting it in, then smash it and decide to find something to eat.

Q: How many Eldar does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One - but in the great days of the Eldar empire, hundreds of servants would leap to change lightbulbs at the slightest whim!

Q: No, no. Seriously, how many Eldar does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They'll start doing it, but then they'll stop midway and never tell you why.

(The last two shamelessly cribbed...)

sredni vashtar said...

actually, how many Eldar does it take to change a lightbulb?

change this lightbulb and you set in motion a chain of events that will doom the last fragile remnants of our race to a fate far worse than any death your puny mind could imagine. for the sake of our people and the good of the galaxy, we cannot allow the lightbulb to be changed. hand over the replacement bulb and begone from this place forever. there will be no refund.

Sam said...

Q: How many tyranids does it take a change a lightbulb?

A: Zero, Inquisitor Kryptman turns up and sets fire to the whole planet for them. :)

b.p.steve said...

"Ray when someone asks u if ur a God u say YES"
"Alright this chick is toast"


hilarious

lordy said...

Actually, Eldar don't change lightbulbs. They don't have any.

If you look at they're wargear, Eldar and Dark Eldar are the tank races without searchlights - obviously they never developed the technology.

Allandaros said...

Yegads. Going back to the 40K musical, we left out the most obvious choice for one of the Primarchs' songs.

The scene:
The Alpha Legion has lured the Ultramarines to Eskrador. Alpharius sees the reports, and knows that he has won this battle. Whether he lives or dies is immaterial - he has set into motion a victory which will haunt the hated Ultramarines for eons to come.

Alpharius looks up into the sky, removes his helmet, stretches out a hand. The sun is beginning to rise.

"It is the dawning of the age of Alpharius, age of Alpharius..."

"ALPHARIUS!!!"

b.p.steve said...

Whats happinin guys .How did saturday go Dan.just got an email about Cambridge its on!
should have some great news to share with u guys wednesday the 31st
yeh thats Halloween cmon!


heh were is everybody?

NHZ said...

I'm buried under a country ton of homework, actually. ONLY SIX MORE DAYS TIL I DRIVE TO ENGLAND TO BUY ONLY IN DEATH!!!111

Pack_master said...

Got much to do for University, had a deadline to reach. Now that's done so far, I can take my time for the Imperial Munitoum Manual (Thanks, Graham!) and Descent of Angels. Ah, well, and Manslayer of course. I still hold a grudge against Bill King for abandoning this cause, but Nathan Long does a good job, given the circumstances.

All three books bought yesterday. Was the day they released here in Germany. Bugger.

Kampfhamster said...

I just read Cambridge. What's up in Cambridge? is Dan comming? Please say yes!

Pack_master said...

You're fething nuts. Not had enough already?

Ah, stupid question...

Rory said...

I appologise for the Sad geekyness of this Comment, but I found that there is a place in World of Warcraft called Feth's Way. i found it rather Funny. =D


Do some Singings in Scotland? :O

Pack_master said...

"Feth's Way"??? Really??? WHERE???

Kampfhamster, NOW you owe me for your time gone...

Rory said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rory said...

Yea, its in Eversong woods... Im not totaly sure. but i THINK this is where it is..

Yea, its in Eversong woods... Im not totaly sure. but i THINK this is where it is..

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g211/rawhre/FethsWay.jpg

The Black line is where it is. i think, ill check it later after ive done all this Revision.


Revision Sucks

The Black line is where it is. i think, ill check it later after ive done all this Revision.


Revision Sucks

Pack_master said...

Huuuh... have to warm up my Blood Elf Paladin when I start again...
Thanks, mate!

b.p. said...

Dan -Nik folks Charity Elizebeth Bissett is here a day late but well worth it!

Now all i have to do is feed her Blackroot!

hamster said...

BP Steve & Clare
Congratulations my friends!

Nik said...

Big and Claire- Fan-bloody-tastic! Hope you're all doing well! I love that you've got the full set! E-mail me with all the details!

Xhalax - its okay, I put a groat in the swearbox.

NHZ said...

3 MORE DAYS UNTIL I FLAP MY ARMS, FLY TO ENGLAND, AND BUY ONLY IN DEATH!!!111

NHZ said...

Ah, crud. I belive I meant six more days. In all seriousness, the book can't get here soon enough.

lordy said...

Six days, three days - an easy mistake to make. Just make sure you don't get the wrong one though, otherewise you're in for either a long wait, or a long swim.

BP - Congratulations.

Xhalax said...

Good good nik!

Robert said...

B.P.: Is that your daughter? Congratulations!

Otherwise did everyone have a good Halloween? Any interesting costumes?

I wrapped a giant present bow around myself and added an oversized tag reading:

"To: Women
From: GOD"

Guys, if you go to Halloween parties I would highly suggest this costume. It's under $5 and works like magic.

Just make sure to dress up nice, smile a lot, and have a pen for taking down numbers...

Robert said...

Oh, that's the other thing I've been meaning to ask.

Has anyone been watching Ken Burns's "The War" on PBS? If you haven't, it's INCREDIBLE. The filmmaking isn't as good as "The Civil War," but the interviews make up for it. It's totally engaging and completely heartbreaking, and unlike most WWII documentaries it actually devotes a lot of time to the Pacific and the home front.

Catch it if possible– I really can't recommend it highly enough.

Arbiter Switch said...

Will there be another signing in a more central London location, like the Forbidden Planet?

Dixx said...

I'M SPARTICUS!!

Q.How many Dark Eldar does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. We will never know, you can't see, or hear the f**kers.

(except for good ol' Mkoll)

Lordy said...

@Robert

Interestingly enough, I went as God. Had the label and everything.

Dixx said...

I went as a Pimp.

No seriously, just wear a killer shirt with some spanking trousers, then put a top hat on, and girate with some women.

Works like a charm!

Dixx said...

Kris marshall! Dalin Criid!! PERFECT!

Except he may be a bit tall,
hmm...

NHZ said...

I went in a "scream" mask that "really bleeds." It was a cheap, effective solution and it was impossible to see.

Pack_master said...

I locked myself into the basement (fridge, computer, www - everything the nerd needs) and let my dog do all the work - even if I normally enjoy scaring the kids away :D

Rory said...

Haha, one of my friends, after several chaps at his door, and offensive gestures told them to go to his back door, filled up a basin of water opend the door and threw it over them, shouting "sweets? Have someof this ya little Bastards!" i found it rather funny. =D

Kampfhamster said...

Heh, a friend always hides in a bush with a leaf blower. That thing sounds like a Chainsaw...

Nik said...

And all we ever do is sit down to a lovely fondue. And we didn't even manage that this year.

Of course, it's not a very English holiday... but we can see the local fireworks display for Guy Faulkes Night from our house. Thousands of pounds of fireworks for free!

Pack_master said...

Hehe, the fireworks, aye... Kampfhamster is mentioning that to me for days now... and as often as I promised, I don't know anything about a new Operation Sealion, he doesn't believe me...

Dixx said...

My mum sprayed the dogs mouth with whipped cream and left it at the gate with a sign saying RBID DOG ARGH!! The dog is a big black german shephard called jack and barks at everything.

The look in the kid's faces!!!
AHAHAH!!!

Kampfhamster said...

Ah yeah Today is Bonfire night. That can mean only one thing for men... BUMPERCARS!!! WUHUUU!!! I can already imagine myself in one of them, screaming: DIE HERETIC! or something like that.

Dixx said...

Give em a GOOD hiding Hamster!
Scream into the side of them and break a few tibs :)

Dixx said...

ribs*

sredni vashtar said...

as a practising animal psychologist, i could quite cheerfully shove any and all fireworks right up the backsides of the people who insist on letting them off in residential areas.

and let's not even get into how fucked up the whole burning-human-effigies-as-national-festival thing is ...

also, before y'all read Only In Death, go look up the word "cloche" (you'll thank me later)

Pack_master said...

you mean
cloche - a small glass copula?

And thanks, as I'm german, I needed that :D

Rory said...

Whats copula? :O

Pack_master said...

I really really hope you're now making fun of me, when not I really really pity you ;)

sredni vashtar said...

cupola, right.

copula would be ... something else entirely.

Dixx said...

Alright people calm it!

Dixx said...

Alright people calm it!

Pack_master said...

Oops, right... yeah, u and o, sorry, missed that little mistake.

Tim said...

I did nothing for Halloween (as always), but did enjoy some fireworks last night and over the weekend. Good fun, but I caught a slight cold.

And woo, I can get Only in Death soon!

b.p.steve said...

UUURRGGHH no sleep
i now have half an Adeptus Sororitas squad living with me Hope Faith and Charity.
Charity assaults my ears
Faith is still pulling away at my beard
And Hope has just discoverd a swift in the ghoulies is enough to render her dad into a a dribbling mass on the floor .Which everyone found hillarious.

Dan has Eisenhorn got room on his staff for A.S. bodyguards
Nik claires gonna e mail you and thanks for the congrats everyone!

Pack_master said...

Oi! You found the Adepta Sororitas School class from the lost webcomic "Lost in Space", it seems? :D

richard said...

this might seem a random question,just wondering if anyone has seen 30 days of night yet, i did last night and as a fan of the comics was quite impressed seemed a bit slow in places but apart from that t was pretty good

lordy said...

@richard
I didn't even know it was out yet (living in England, it probably isn't). I've got all the comics though.

Question - to Nik actually. I take it you're going to be there? Everytime I've gone along to a signing I miss you, and I'd like to get Gilead's Blood signed (already got Dan's signature for it).

Toymachine said...

While were commenting on other peoples questions, whats your guys favourite gaunts ghosts moments...?

I read His last command again recently and couldn't stop laughing when Ezsrah mets Zweil for the first time, then gestures to kill him.

Priceless stuff.

Nik said...

toymachine - Zweil always makes me laugh out loud. I have a very clear picture of him in my head, and just his physicality is hilarious. I love Ezrah's seriousness.

Lordy - I will be holding Dan's hand for the signing in Maidstone. I can't tell you how weird it is to see Dan's face in the window of Waterstones every time I walk past. It's almost as if he's famous, or something.

Big - I won't feel bad if it takes Claire a while to e-mail. She just had a baby for Feth's sake. If I didn't know better, I'd almost be broody.

NHZ said...

toymachine - in terms of favorite moments, I absolutely love the scene where Gaunt, Eszrah, Ironmeadow, and Beltayn take on the stalker in His Last Command, when Gaunt goes nuts after the stalker dies right in front of him.

"You just can't kill me, can you?"

Let's see...um....to name a few...anytime Varl gets extended face time is crazy funny...Commissar Hark establishing himself as a complete badass in the Armour of Contempt...Mkoll's absolutely heroic performance in The Guns of Tanith (he falls out of a burning plane and then manages to kill Slaith)...the Kowle-Gaunt dynamic in Necropolis...Kolea's triumphant return to existing...

Well jeez, I good go on for a long time, actually. Mom ordered Only In Death for my 21st b-day, which means I won't be swimming to england after all, so that's nice. Of course, since I'm all excited for the book, she's back to lamenting how her son professes to ask himself "what would Gaunt do in this situation?" :P

Anonymous said...

How many Space Marines it takes to change a light bulb?

- Well, space marine has the strength of 100 men. So, its takes 1/100 of a space marine to change the light bulb!

- It takes the most ancient dreadnaught to remember what to do with such ancient technology

- There are no light bulbs in wh40k universe, only illumination globes!

How many Ultramarines does it take to change a light bulb?

- One, but he needs the full set of instructions as laid down by Gulliman

How many Blood Angels does it take to change a light bulb?

- One, but he might succumb to bloodlust at the visions of ligh-bulbs death.

How many Space Wolfs does it take to change a light bulb?

- Its a tech priests job!

How many Dark Angels does it take to change a light bulb?

- What do you think the Watchers in the Dark do???

How many Imperial fists does it take to change a light bulb?

- None, they'd rather stay in the dark to hide their yellowness :)


--- VDK ---

Robert said...

How many Space Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

There are no light bulbs. What about "The Grim Darkness of the Far Future" is unclear to you?

Or, alternately...

In the grim darkness of the far future... THERE IS ONLY HALOGEN.

Dixx said...

Toymachine:
FooFooFrigwig was very funny I thought.
And the bit in "his last command" where Mkoll and Varl etc are hunting the stalker and Varl keeps shouting "Really getting dark now"
"REALLY getting dark here!"
and then after someone goes "thats bad, a stalker roars and varl goes,
"No.. THATS bad"

How many space marines does it take to change a lightbulb?

One... they will however talk about it as the legendary lightbulb crusade. :D
There will be tyranids and chaos deamons, all struggling to keep the lightbulb dark, but the heroic astartes will defy all odds and seize the change!

NHZ said...

Dixx - as I said, give Varl face time and he steals the scene. :) I think there's another one in HLC where there's seemingly a twenty minute argument between Balshin and Gaunt where you totally forget Varl's there and Balshin probably threatens to kill Gaunt or something...and then Varl pops up at the end and says "that went well, I thought."

Priceless. Varl for Captain!

Nick Staiano said...

Hey Dan,

I just finished Lord of Ruin, let me tell you, that is a fabulous book. I'd go as far as to say your best book yet!

I really do hope that we will be seeing, err.. reading... more Malus in the future. He is my favorite character in any series of books, and one of the most fascinating to read about.

Keep up the good work, and bring us some more Malus please,

Nick Staiano

Dixx said...

Varl for fucking Major!
x

Kampfhamster said...

Dan, I heard you're coming to Cambridge this Saturday. When are you arriving? And another question, do you like Swiss chocolate? I've got some with me. *g*

Pack_master said...

Yeah, the "when" is important to me, too, and when you're planning to leave. I've got some planning to do for thta saturday because of that ;)