Saturday, June 05, 2010

From Big Purple Ones To Tiny Blue Ones

I finally had to admit defeat this week and own up to the fact that the anti-epilepsy meds they put me on when this condition started last year just don’t suit me. I persevered as long as I could, because quite often I felt perfectly fine (good, in fact), and I knew it takes a while to get exactly the right balance of dosage. I didn’t want to give up because it was a little difficult. I didn’t want to be that person.

I had to keep edging the daily dosage level up to fend off the seizures, and then make sure I didn’t even get those wonderful, euphoric flutters of nostalgic bliss (a bad sign, apparently - another avenue of pleasure closed off), and with each increase came a few days of depression.

In the last month or so, the depression’s become a much harder thing to work around. I can live with all the stupid little side-effects, but feeling devastatingly miserable for no reason at all, and being unable to follow any thread whatsoever has finally made me pull the ejector handle.

So I now have a fun-filled few weeks while I swap from one brand to another, decreasing one medication while I increase the other. I may be entering a brief zone of uncharted floopiness. Deep breath. Here goes.

In other news, work is going well (parts of it have been going well in ways I can’t write about yet), and I’ve been thinking about sticking up an exclusive extract of Prospero Burns here on the blog sometime soon. Would that be a popular move?

Oh, and for those of you who were asking, Sinister Dexter returns to 2000AD in Prog #1693, on sale July 14th. The story is called The Why-Shaped Cut, and has huge consequences for our gunshark heroes and the future of the ubercity of Downlode. Miss it at your peril, you scuzzpuck funts. I mean that in a nice way, obviously.

Meanwhile, there’s still time to catch Paul Cornell’s splendid pilot (yes, let’s be confident and call it a pilot) Pulse on BBC3 iPlayer, and may I also recommend Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded, which collects the best from ten years of John Scalzi’s blog and shows how shit like the preceding three hundred and ninety words should be done.


Joe said...

Sorry to hear about the Med problems and the swapping. My wife went through the same thing a few years ago - and it was hard enough for me, let alone her...

All the best (but don't you dare let it delay Prospero again! ;) )

cwwabg said...

Dan, sorry to hear about your recent troubles and wish you the best. Take whatever time you need to get the meds straightened out your fans are not going anywhere. Finding the right mix can take time and it is impossible to totally stop the seizures but as a FF/EMT most of the problems I run into are with people not taking the meds. Once you find the right combination I'm sure you will feeling like your old self again. Best of luck!

Xhalax said...

Yes, an exclusive extract would be a very good move Mr. Abnett.

James said...

I hope you feel better soon, Mr Abnett.

Also would love to read a little of Prospero Burns!

Anonymous said...

What Xhalax said ;) lol

peace and love mate


Joe said...

I had similar problems a few years ago with meds that sent me into some maddening times of depression, and it was always quite frustrating because I had no reason for it, yet I couldn't control it..
It was like looking at myself through a rather grey window and being out of control.

Hoping your new meds sort you out though sir, it'll feel so much better once you're fixed up!

Forgotmytea said...

Sorry to hear about the problems; let's hope that swapping them helps. All the best in regards to that.

And yes, an extract of Prospero Burns would be a good move in my humble opinion! ;)

Zach said...

2)Iron Man
4)Kitty Pryde

Phillip said...

"...would that be a good move?"

Gosh Mr. Abnett you're a kidder you are...YES it would be a good move!

I'm really sorry to hear that the epilepsy meds have been screwing with your brain. I sincerely hope that the new meds allow you to return to your regularly sunny disposition. I can say from personal experience that depression sucks...there's a joke in there somewhere, damned if I can see it though :)

McKennsy said...

"I may be entering a brief zone of uncharted 'floopiness'. "

Floopiness and little blue pills you say? Draw your own conclusions there readers......:)

Get well soon Dan. We can wait for the books.

MonoManual said...

I think it's a great thing that you recognized the shortcomings of your current medication. As you pointed out this is a tough decision, but in the end it is for your own well-being. (and ours, but just a little bit ;))

Beyond that, I truly hope you will post a snippet of Prospero Burns. I can't wait to see what my favourite writer can do with my favourite SM chapter!

All the best from Hive Noviomagum.
(Nijmegen, The Netherlands.)

Gareth said...

I have no interest in your so-called "Prospero Burns" extracts, no way, none of that, honest guv. :p

In all seriousness, my younger brother was diagnosed with epilepsy a couple of years ago and it took him a good while to reach a point where he can function without the seizures being a major burden on him, but he did get there eventually and it's only a matter of time before you find the right mix/dosage to suit you.

Silar said...

'Miss it at your peril, you scuzzpuck funts'. How else can this be taken than you being super nice! This is Download baby!!
Lol seriously Sinster Dexter is the sole high of my week. =)
I'm also sorry about your meds not working at the moment but these things take time, better that you get the right dosage and are well, than you getting the wrong dosage and being depressed. I wish you the best and know you'll get there soon.

sredni vashtar said...

Oy, that sounds dismal.

Having spent way more time on various awful brain meds than I really want to remember, I can offer you good news and bad news.

The good news is that there is nearly always some cocktail and/or combination that will permit a near-as-dammit 'normal' state of mind... once you've found it.

The bad news is that it often takes some time, via hair-tearing cycles of trial and error, to actually find it.

(And yeah: when you gotta admit that your extant regimen isn't working well, and start the whole miserable process over again, that can seem like the most depressing and frustrating thing of all).

The most important thing is to be gentle with yourself, and not stress over all the stuff you can't do normally in the meantime.

I won't say good luck, because it's honestly not a question of luck-- just perseverance. So: onwards and upwards, and other such trite drivel!

Anonymous said...

I think sredni vashtar said it best.

Keep at it.

All the best.


Rory said...

Med's can change a person. I've seen it so
I can kind of relate. You would have thought with all
the wonders of modern science you wouldn't need all this trial and error? I mean would you see dorden or curth saying "uh, well, try these for a wee bit and see what happens?" but nevermind! Hope you get well soon dan, or at least get the right balance for you!

P.s. Defo gonna be cybermen on dr who next week. I just know it!!

Hagelrat said...

Just wanted to add my best wishes really, depresion is a hellish thing and totally not an acceptable side effect. Good luck over the coming floop.

Anonymous said...

Tolstoy suffered from epilepsy and the same "euphoric flutters of nostalgic bliss" before his seizures. I doubt that will make you feel any better about your meds. Have faith in modern medicine, you'll find the right mix soon.

"Prospero Burns" extract? Yes please!


frieslander said...

Well you know your going to miss out on the whole moodyu tourchered genious rout, think of the press you'd get lol.
Seriously though, hope all wooks out for the best and you find a place where your are whom you were.
Prospero Burns extract would be a great idea
David :)

Big said...

Dan i am (as you know ) fucking mad for all things Space Wolf, and Dan Abnett but at the end of the day mate your health comes first.
Dude take a holiday... for real just grab Nik in some suitably appropriate Hollywood way, kiss her and tell her to pack her bags cause your goin on holiday!
F**k the deadlines , if anyone says anything i will parachute into their house and stomp their guts out with my Shiny, Gouche new jackboots!
Work to live .....
dont live to work.

sredni vashtar said...

I just bought some shiny new jackboots too

cor said...

to quote tuco from the good the bad and the ugly 'If you work for a living,why do you kill yourself working?'

Lightbringer said...

Prospero: Oh yes.

Meds: Take it easy, Dan, get well soon and good luck with the floopiness!


Roderick H said...

So many sympathies Dan. I hope you get through it all and the new meds work out. Depression on top of the rest of your troubles is horrible to deal with, from experience, but the thing that always helped me is the thing you've already got - loving friends and family.

I hope your horde of adoring nerds are of some use as well :)

And of course we'd overflow with gleeful secretions were you to post a Prospero teaser, need you ask?

I look forward with eagerness to the new SinDex as well.

dragunov said...

Don't play with your health and stop being stubborn. If the meds don't suit and you don't feel right on them, then change them. They are there to help you feel like YOU, not you on MEDS.

So keep going and you will get there!

Love to see Prospero extract by the way!

Oxygen Plant said...

Took me time to read all the comments, but I really enjoyed the article. It proved to be Very helpful to me and I am sure to all the commenters here! It’s always nice when you can not only be informed, but also entertained! I’m sure you had fun writing this article.

Abby Ryder said...

I think everyone is more than happy to forgive a little floopiness, fingers crossed for your new medication helping!

Bastiaan Vergoossen said...

A prospero extract would be WONDERFULL !!!

In the meanwhile, I wish you all the best. The Emperor protects, don't forget !

Cheers, Bastiaan Vergoossen

Christopher Meyer said...

I have no clue what taking epilepsy meds are like, nor the depression that comes along with them; my closest experience being drawing down from proanabolics after a month and trying not to hit someone while switching to a horomone recovery cycle.

Anyhoo, I digest. Pills aside, our thoughts and prayers are with you, Mr. Abnett, and I hope that this new pill works out better than the last. I look forward to the continued adventures of Gaunts Ghosts (AND Maleus Darkblade!), and hope that the epilepsy subsides and the pills work so that you can accomplish that - without the depression.

Anonymous said...

Depression - good! Its time to kill the wolves!
You have 2 days - TWO DAYS to complete Salvation Reach - or the mighty bloodthister of Khorne will come to your doors for someones soul!

Math L. said...

You should go to see an alternative healing practitioner for your epilepsy. Acupuncture, Reiki,Reconnection, etc. I'm sure it will do wonders on you !

zenny said...

lovely piece of thinking and writing. thank you. i'm going to dwell on this awhile.
סרטוני סקס.

Translators said...

This is so sad to here about the problem. Hope swapping wll help them out. And of course my wishes is always with. Best of luck.

Ebosen said...

Take care, Dan, hope you're doing better now that you've switched meds. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as I re-read the Eisenhorn trilogy for the umpteenth time.

VENNgeance said...

Hi Dan... Sheesh!! Depression, and then bloody anti-depressants (which most of them state in their side-effects list "May increase thoughts of suicide...". Let's be clear about something first, there are no such things as SIDE-effects...They ARE effects, pure and bloody simple!!) is something I have been through myself for nearly twenty years... Depression is a mo'fucka. However, I recently saw something online regarding NIACIN, a vitamin/mineral thingy and how by increasing your daily intake of it can alleviate feelings of depression. Now, your doctor probably wont tell you about this or advise it as it isn't 'profitable' to the medi-ind. I have recently been taking 100mg Niacin a day for the last 12 days (in the form of 5 multivitamin tablets), and my mood has improved noticably. If you go to Holland&Barratt they also do Niacin supplements. Honestly Dan, this stuff works.

Anyway, I hope things improve soon. You've become an important part of my world, and I am looking forward to many more years reading 40K fiction from the mind of Abnett!! :)

I had a really cool idea to do with the HH the other day, I will tell you it in a message on FakeBook when I am next there.

All the best!! Ave Abnett!!